Ep 14: Parenting with Alignment: Behavioral Science, Intuition & the Body with Coach Kate Nasuti

What if the behaviors we carry—consciously or not—are living in our bodies, shaping not just our minds, but our health?

In this episode, I talk with behavior and parenting coach Kate Nasuti about the science of behavior—what it is, how it develops, and how understanding it can give us more agency in how we show up as parents, partners, and people.

Fear is common in parenting...fear around messing it all up, fear around how our kids are behaving, fear around getting the right supports for our child, fear about whether we are we teaching them the right lessons.  But as Kate explains “good” parenting starts with our own alignment.

We get into Dr. Gabor Maté’s stunning connections between chronic emotional suppression and how it can manifest physically in the body.    It’s an invitation for us all to reflect on what we’ve internalized, and how to begin shifting it with compassion.

The wisdom in this one is slow medicine.  Gentle, honest, and full of reminders that you’re not alone in figuring this out.

Books Discussed

The Myth Of Normal by Dr. Gabor Maté

Anatomy of the Spirit by Caroline Myss 

About Kate Nasuti

Kate coaches humans with (and without) tiny humans in tow, blending behavior science, soul, and heart. Originally trained in Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA), her work evolved from functional analysis and behavior plans to supporting the messy, meaningful process of being human. Her approach integrates ABA, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Buddhist psychology, spiritual counseling, and Dr. Gabor Maté’s Compassionate Inquiry. Whether helping parents in toddler chaos or individuals seeking clarity, Kate brings compassion, curiosity, and humor to the journey. Clients find a grounded, expansive space to reconnect with their values, build meaningful habits, and move forward with more presence, purpose, and peace. Kate makes deep work approachable, actionable, and always playful.

If you are curious and want to connect more with Kate, you can find her on Instagram @katenasuti or her website www.katenasuti.com.

Transcript

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Here's a wild thought. Could the behaviors we carry, consciously or not, be living in our bodies, shaping not just our minds, but our health? In this episode, I talk with behavior and parenting coach Kate a anxiety about the science of behavior, what it is, how it develops, and how understanding it can give us more agency in how we show up as parents, partners and people. Turns out fear is pretty common in parenting. Fear around messing it all up, messing our kids up, medicating or not medicating, getting the right supports, teaching the right lessons, and how quote unquote good parenting actually starts with our own alignment. Have you heard of Doctor Gab or Marty? Well, I butcher his name in this episode, but Kate and I talk about his research. Stunning connections between chronic emotional suppression and how it can manifest physically in the body. It's an invitation to reflect on what we've internalized and how to begin shifting it with compassion. The wisdom in this one is slow medicine gentle, honest, and full of reminders that you're not alone in figuring this out. Hi, I'm Laura Scott Patty, filmmaker and woo woo enthusiast here today. To cut through the noise, pull back the veil, and cozy up in the space between reality and spirituality. Thanks for listening to the Woo report. Kate this beauty. Thank you so much for being here today. We report. Grateful and glad to be. Here. So happy you're here. All right. So Kate, you are a behavior coach who also provides support for parents. Yep. And today we're going to get into all of the things the science of behavior, how and I'm going to speak for myself as a mom. Maybe I can do a bit of a better job helping to support my own children. and then we're going to weave in the light. We're going to weave in some of the spirituality elements and see how it all comes together. What is the science of behavior? Big question. I am certified credentialed in applied behavior analysis. So there's the science of behavior that's like the old school like Skinner and how behavior works. And then we have applied behavior analysis where we're looking at how those like scientific principles operate in the real life. So we're talking about what happens in, organisms environment that either supports behavior to continue to happen or does not support for the behavior to continue to happen. If you look at somebody who's a dog trainer, they use principles of, applied behavior analysis and behavior science as well. so we're just looking at how all organisms, like really learn from their environment and continue to learn from their environment based on what the environment around them is doing. And when I say environment, especially when we're talking about it in like the parenting realm context, like other people are an organisms environment, a person's environment, the, the environmental conditions, like the actual topography of the environment. Is that so? It's like anything that is around in the context of that human totally. We're all affecting each other. We're all saving each other. We're all hurting each other. We're all whatever it is, like we're all affecting each other. Also all energy. So how is it different? Is it different? And kids like behavior is when you study behavior is behavior different in kids than it is in adults? It's not that different. What gets more complex in in terms of developmentally between a child and adult is the amount of like language that gets added in to what we call them private events in behavioral science. So like the the thinking and the the imagining and the worrying and, and things like that get more complex. But when we were talking really at like the very like parsimony, a simple level, it actually isn't that different. we do a lot and kids start to do it too, like we do a lot of adding our thoughts and our perceptions onto what's happening in the environment. Whereas like, something could not even be happening in the environment, but our brain is telling us that something could. So that impacts our behavior. so that's where it starts to get really complex. But at the heart of it, it really is like very simple, simply what's working in their environment and what's not working in that environment. So it can just be a little bit simpler with kids where especially little, little ones where it is just more of that cause and effect of like they're not using, their private events or their, their rich relational history with language to make decisions or to behave in certain ways. So it just so I think from like a parent coaching perspective of like little ones tend to just be easier to figure out why they're doing what they're doing. And with adults that can get a little bit more complicated. Yes. You got to unpack some more. So you got. That. okay. So what does it typically look like when a parent comes to you and needs help? Like what? What do they need help with and how are you helping them? I'm sure everyone's different, but what's like a typical situation? The majority of parents come to me because there's some kind of behavioral struggle. whether it's like refusal to go to school, or, you know, maybe there's like internal fighting with the siblings, usually more about, like, maybe not the child having an issue. but the parent feeling like a little dissatisfaction with the way that they're parenting and that idea of like, maybe there's a different way that I could be doing this. and so really, it's it's interesting because the parent coaching is so much about working with the parent and not like trying to change the child's behavior, but really supporting the parent in how they're showing up as parents and how aligned they are with their own values, how much and like to get into the woo of it, like how much they're parenting from an intuitive place rather than a place of fear. There might not be a huge problem with their child or a huge behavioral issue, but there is like there is a lot of fear that there could be, maybe there's nothing yet. But the parents fear around what could be in the future that the tiger that they think is in the room, that's probably not in the room is what they're wanting to find. Some, like, comfort and tools around. What's an example of that? Like what's an example of something that they're fearing. They might have gotten, you know, some some information from a teacher that most likely there's a fear of some kind of like diagnosis, you know, like there's a fear of there being something wrong, whether it's at the point where somebody has said something's wrong or not. and I that's a really interesting space to be in with a parent, especially in this milieu, like with parental anxiety about autism and attentional issues. And, you know, do I medicate? Do I not medicate like there's just so much fear and attention? And I would say like pathology izing when kids are, it's kind of like been in a swing from like we're not taking kids behavior seriously enough or, you know, kids worry seriously enough to like, it's gone all the way over here where I think we're taking it a little bit too seriously. Yeah. And so so that's where I think when people come to me, it's like those are the issues of like, maybe a teacher even just planted a seed that there might be a thing or someone, you know, planted a seed, that there might be a thing. And then like typically the parents who come to me are off to the races with that. Right? It's not interesting. Like someone who's only been with your kid for like a fraction of the time you have is like planting something that. And are you finding that often it's there's like there's a basis in that or how do you and then how do you tackle that. Yeah, I mean, I think a lot of times there's a Bayesian basis in it. There's it's there's an observation. Right. And I think there's fear on the observers part of missing something. And not sharing with a parent, you know, so wanting the parent to have all the information, and but again, I think that, you know, like you just you very eloquently pointed out, like if somebody who's maybe only with the person for one hour or the kid for one hour a week versus the parent who's with the child all the time, and if there was something wrong, like if you are in an a really aligned place with your parenting, that you would trust that if there was something like that was really off or wrong, that you would be able to identify that and take the proper action around it. but I think that that's, that's that, that place where it's like, if I'm not certain about how I'm parenting and if I'm not trusting myself as a parent, then other people's opinions just they they have so much currency. And I think also certainty is just a really interesting word, and especially right now, because I think certainty is really hard for especially for new parents with kids that are they've never experienced this before. And just being certain about about everything about all things. I think we're all like, oh, well, let's, you know, Google this behavior, let's Google that behavior. Let's like how to be certain that it applies or, you know, whatever the ether's saying is like, applicable to your kid is just like, I think that's really hard. So how do we become certain? I'm asking you all the big questions. Yeah. I mean. If you're already a person who struggles with uncertainty. Before this beautiful, magnificent little creature comes into your life that you're responsible for keeping alive and nurturing and nourishing, then like that, uncertainty is probably going to really rear its ugly head in this experience. the paradox of it is becoming a human who can be okay with uncertainty. Yes. And working on that for yourself so that when whether they're already they've already come into this form or not. If you're planning on doing this, I love I just was working with a client a couple years ago who was like, I want to do this stuff that's going to help me be a good mom now, right? You know, and I use the word good loosely, but like, I'm like, okay, this is and we, we kind of chatted before about superpowers. Like, that's a superpower. Like, if you can be okay with uncertainty and then pass that along to that little one like chef's kiss like you've got it, you know, and also having the trust that like I have this internal compass of what I care about and what's important to me. And as long as I'm, I'm moving towards those things like everything's going to be okay. And so our internal compass, that's our values. What else is that. That's it. Your values. Yeah. I mean I think. Like a gut feeling. Yeah. I mean I would incorporate that into value into a value like a gut feeling. Like if intuition is a value like for that specific individual or if you know, faith, religion, spirituality is about like I think values are all encompassing. There's just so many different words that fall in that. The sticky part with that is that what's usually pulling you away from that intuition fear. Yes. And so that's like, again, working on our own skills, like our own self-soothing to get out of fear so we can even hear that intuition. Because I think that's a really interesting conversation of like the difference between intuition. And I don't often use the word anxiety in my practice, but the the difference between intuition and anxiety, people will be like, but I was feeling this way, and I'm like, like I was so certain. I'm like, I don't know if that was coming from that place, the anxious place, or if it was coming from intuition. And people are like, well, how do I know? Intuition is like quiet and still uncertain and anxieties like, I have to do this. It makes me think of that movie Inside Out. Have you seen the most recent one with anxiety? Yeah, I hear you like the intuition is calm. It's peaceful. It feels right in your body. It feels calming for your body. As a parent who has two boys, who are wild and crazy kids, how are you helping parents with their own triggers when kids are, you know, losing their mind or having the behavior or actual behavior issues like what is what type of advice are you giving parents when to like in the moment, not lose their shit? That's like that's a clinical term. Not yeah, right. what do you do even before the ship's about to get lost to to decrease the the probability that the shit will get lost, right? Yeah. Yeah. So that's all the self-care stuff, you know, like. And I think it's even when I, when I kind of started out my own journey and hearing like the word self-care, I was like, like who can who has the time for self-care? And that's usually one of the first, like, barriers that people will bring me is like, I don't have time for self-care. And part of the work that I love doing is we take these, like, really tight ways or frames that we have around, like a certain concept and we loosen them. So it's like, okay, well, you know, and that's part of the science of becoming flexible. so if some, if especially, you know, a parent, especially a mom, you know, like two little ones, I don't have time for self-care. Let's get looser about what self-care could actually look like, because I think what's really interesting, especially in like in the parenting realm with people in self-care, is that like, self-care means I'm away from my kid. And like, that's when when we kind of start to, like, be like, okay, let's talk about that. That's what I'll often hear is like, well, I don't have a babysitter. And, you know, we don't get that much time away from the kids. I'm like, I never said that. You have to be away from your kids to do this. Like, you know, like let's. It doesn't mean you have to have a, you know, a rose petal bath. It's like self-care is literally stop. It sounds nice, though. Because those things are great when you can. But, you know, self-care is literally, have I had enough water today? It's stopping and taking up like this is the best self-care other just ever. Just. And I'm going to do it myself right now. Just take a breath in through your nose. your child can be sitting right next to you while you do that, and it takes seconds, you know? So so back to like your initial question about the triggers. The more that we're taking care of ourselves, the more likely that we are not going to get activated when, you know, the child does that potentially annoying thing or frustrating thing or and so that like that when when we talk about it in, behavior analysis, we really look at like, what can we do before the behavior is likely to occur. So say the behavior behavior being triggered isn't a behavior. But like I can ask you what's something that you do when you're triggered by one of your kids that you don't like that you do? I, I lash out. Okay. Yeah. So I raise my voice. Okay. The voice raising is the behavior that we want to decrease. Yes. So on the before side of it okay. Let's make a whole plan around what can we do to decrease the likelihood that that behavior is going to occur that you you you don't lash out. and there's so many things, so many tools and strategies that we can do that self-care is just one of them. and then, you know, we do a part of the plan is like, what do we do after? Maybe it did already happen and how can we how can we be on the consequent side of that, knowing that we don't want it to happen, but like, how to what do we do if it happens? Why don't you want to lash out? Doesn't make me feel good. I don't feel good when I yell. That does make me feel good after. And it also doesn't work. It doesn't work. Well, that goes into the straight up like behavior analysis of it. That's perfect. It doesn't work. It doesn't work. it doesn't make you feel good. Why? Well, because it's it's like I'm not showing up as the best version of myself, okay? It's not who you want to be. It's not in your values. No it's not. I don't like that. Yeah. Yeah, it's not in your values to be. And you could insert, like, any kind of icky word before. Mom, it's not to be an impatient mom or to be a frustrated mom, right? To not model my own. Totally hopping strategies, I'm telling you. Well, to be a role model like I need to be a role model to, you know. And have compassion for when you can't be totally. But so all of those words about like, hey, you don't want to be guide you to your values. I'm like, okay, I'm doing this in the service of being a patient mom. I'm doing this in the service of and whatever doing this means. You know, like in the moment, if you're walking into a moment where you're potentially about to lash out, tethered to how you want to be, like the the science around this says that you're less likely to engage in that behavior because there's something important in that moment, you know, and and the whole it doesn't work. Part of it is huge. But just for you, you know, that, like bringing and that's why we do values work to have for that before you know, in, in the, in the work that I do is like, let's, let's give you a, like, let's give you something to tether to, of how you want to walk through the world. Having that clarification around that is so important. You know. I love that idea. Yeah. I love like like figuring out what you care about is like a values test you could do. I don't know if you ever have people do that, but in one episode of this podcast, I had Lynn Winter on For Happiness Mapping, and there's three tests that you do to map your happiness, and one of them is your values test. And I thought that was really interesting. Like there's the list of values is so long, you know, there's so many of them and it just ranks them for you. But I wouldn't say I was surprised by the ones that I got. It was like love, gratitude, things that I feel I'm really feeling into right now in my like 40th year, you know, but they evolve over time. When you become a parent, things change. Like things change. Your values do change. Like your heart expands and you need to meet the moment. You know, it's like, yeah. And you can't have everything, like every value present at once. Like I have to prioritize this value before this value. And so it does. It opens up a whole new kind of conversation. I'm like newly into Doctor Gabor Muti. So for those. I correct can I correct you on his name? Oh my God, tell me. Yeah, I figured you'd want it. Oh my god. Tell me what is it? It's Gabor Marty. Oh my gosh okay I've been saying it wrong okay, so Gabor Marty didn't know. Great. Thank you. So I heard him on a podcast and then I started following him. But tell, will you explain who he is? Doctor Gabor. Marty. he was a physician. He branched out with his work to, like, really treat like, the whole patient and not just the physical symptom. His. His latest book is called The Myth of Normal. What Doctor Marty is looking at is how the world has become a really, I'll say this like toxic place in terms of like how we're expected to be in the world with the social media and, you know, the hustling and the staying live and all of it. Right. And so a lot of people have adjusted themselves to be able to fit into that world. And so that's the myth of normal is that it's normal to be adjusted to that. And what that really requires is being disconnected from yourself and your needs and thy word, your intuition, to be able to function in this world. so he has like some really cool research in there too, about like certain diseases that occur, with certain behavioral traits. And so what's really interesting is looking at some of these diseases as they might be symptomatic of some, some replicated behavior traits. So as a behavior science. And so I'm like, tell me about this. Tell me more. And that there are certain behavioral traits that are associated with certain diseases. Well, the great news is if that's the case, I can work on those traits so that if if I am if, if, say, one of the behavioral traits for breast cancer is being overly giving, being a martyr, you know, just being a caregiver who gives and gives to others and doesn't give to themselves. But like, I have actually something actionable to do to either prevent the disease from coming or prevent the disease from coming back. So like, that's a part of his work that I'm really excited about right now. And I just actually had a conversation with a friend who just got cleared. yay from breast cancer. And she's aware of this work, and she's in the the spiritual, energetic world with me as well, where she's like, I know that I have things I need to do now. She's a mother of two kids. I just got full body chills that she's. And she's like, I have to take care of myself. It's life or death. And if I want to be around for these little ones, I have to take care of myself. So she's made like big changes to her life, basically based on, you know, the again, the spiritual, energetic work, but also what she read from in Doctor Marty's book. Wow, that is so powerful. Yeah. In the podcast, I heard him say someone who was I think it was breast cancer. Someone who is dying at a young age of breast cancer because he worked a lot in palliative care. And so he would see these behavior patterns of people that when that are dying, the woman that was dying, her number one concern was, how is she going to help her husband through her breast cancer, to put her husband before herself in this moment where she needs to be taking care of herself? I said, that was so powerful. When we're talking about parenting, you know, from like a disease perspective of like, you know, we hear these like, oh, you can get tested to see if you have this marker for breast cancer. So like this adds another element into that of like, okay, if I have this element or I have that marker, then it's probably going to increase my risk. But like, okay, not only do I need to look at these potential behavioral traits for myself, but if I'm modeling those behavioral traits for my children, then I'm like increasing the likelihood that they could be getting this disease as well. So not only do I have to change this for me, but I could be changing those behavioral traits because kids are watching. You're their model. You know, and and so it's that's really powerful. And I think in my parents coaching work, in that practice, what is really powerful is like and this kind of goes more into the spiritual energetic piece of it in a way, from the behavioral piece of it, if something's challenging in terms of dealing, you know, navigating it with your child, it was probably something that as a child, somebody didn't know how to approach it for you. And so, like I like to say, you like you get bang for your buck. Like, not only are you doing the thing for your child that your child needed, but you're doing the thing for yourself that you need it. It's so taboo. This topic. I feel like it's not a mainstream thought that like cancer is caused by like some sort of stunted emotional growth or something in yourself. One it's a great thing because we're bringing our power back. Like it's not just some random thing that happened. It's something that we can actually, like, work on and control. But the other the other side of the coin is, oh my gosh, am I doing this to myself? And does that feel like icky? And bad? And the point is to own your power. But I'm just I just like, want to say what I'm thinking, which is like, I feel like not everyone is here to hear or wants to hear that this is, or could potentially be something that's real to me. That's just like really an interesting perspective on the listener. If the listener hears that, oh, this probably happened because your parents, they weren't able to provide you with this. If the listener is like, oh, like, now I can blame my parents. And that's just like where they are on their journey in terms of being able to, like you're saying like own and take responsibility. For, right? But if hearing that just puts you in the victim place and then you get to keep perpetuating that blame, or if you're the person who potentially is getting blamed and then you want to live in that that like victim story of like, oh yeah, everything's my fault. You know that. I'm like, that's just very telling about where you are on your own journey. And I do think that, you know, I work a 12 step program and, you know, it's that fourth step is about a searching and fearless moral inventory. And as someone who's struggled with a lot of shame about my my past, that awareness of the stuff that I am not proud of, that I that makes me feel a little bit ick or that I've kind of buried down, was a lot easier to look at once. I did the first three steps, which is developing your spiritual practice and believing that there's something greater than you. And and so, like, I do, I do feel like there's a caution to just like. Becoming too aware of your own patterns without having, like, a really supportive place and a self compassionate place. so like, you have to own it to take responsibility for it. But like, it is like there's like a gentle process that needs to happen in there. And having like a, a really like, like, you know, in Buddhism we call it a sangha, a really soft, nourishing, nurturing space to be able to look at the things I feel like Eric and I could just make it worse if I'm just shaming myself for the things that I've done. Totally. Have you read, anatomy of the spirit? Like, yeah. Oh, is it cool? Yes. It's so good. Yes. So I love her and I, you know, after my car accident, I, I listen to sacred contracts because I was like, oh, this car accident was a soul contract for me, which is something maybe we'll get into it another time. On the podcast. But she is such an incredible spiritual teacher and she started as a medical intuitive. And I mean, I'm really early out of the book. This whole book is about her medical intuition, and it's literally it's this everything that Doctor Marti is talking about, complete strangers. She can help them uncover what the source of their disease is. And it's always, she says, it's always emotional and spiritual work, which is I mean, it's so fucking crazy. And it's interesting just to like, circle back to what you mentioned earlier about how, like it being taboo is, like, I use this a lot of like it's happening to me. maybe this isn't happening to me. Maybe this is happening for me, maybe this whatever this disease is or this this pain or whatever it is medically. Physically. Like maybe it is to show me that I have these traits that if I don't, you know, I had thyroid issues when I was, maybe about 15 years ago. And, it was like a real wake up call of like how I was living, and how I was overworking and just, just over helping, over serving. And I can't say that was really like the wakeup call that I had. I had a lot of spiritual experiences to kind of guide me, into a healthier lifestyle where I was like a lot more free from what I was creating in my head. And, I think the interesting thing was like, I, I was, I was, I was on a road trip and I was driving and it just kind of came to me like it was a very intuitive that voice that I'm sure you're aware of, that's like, that's not my voice. which you couldn't say out loud 20 years ago, but now you can say that out loud that it was like I was. I was on the road like I was on the road, literally, but figuratively. Like I was on the road to, like, possibly like dying. If I hadn't have made that switch, it happened like I could be in a victim mode of like, oh, I had these thyroid issues and it was so horrible. And that happened for me. you know, and so I think that but I, I am like, okay with being like, maybe it was good that I did that to myself, that I had those behavioral traits, because if I never had had that wake up call, I wouldn't have learned to take care of myself better. Oh, I mean, amen to all of that. And I'm so glad that that you've, you've, you know, use that as a platform to, you know, rocket ship yourself into something better. And that's why I feel that way about the accident. Like I, the accident happened for me, obviously, like, you know, I got run over by a car. You can easily make that, victimhood situation, like, pretty easily. But it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Because I'm on this, this, this journey where I get to talk to you and meet you and, like, have, learn from people and allow just this whole new five d situation on a regular basis where, it's just it's just so fun to, to be able to talk about this magic with you. So thank you also for being here and for sharing all of these things. Of course. I really want I want to get into the best approach to big topics with our kids, like topics like death and dying and grief and God and religion or even politics. Kids come in and all of a sudden one day, out of nowhere, they'll step on an ant and say, what happens when you die? What's like a good maybe there isn't a canned response. I know we talked about this a little bit, but what can we how can we help our kids in these moments of asking, like life's most existential questions, not fear them? And, you know, come out of the other end, like feeling good about it? Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's such a big, important question. Kids know if you don't really believe what you're saying. And so so it's like, well, are you kind of firm in your conceptualization of this? Because of course, like I was just listening to a Ramdas podcast where he's saying, like, it's all just a conceptual framework. Nobody knows, you know, like and so but do you feel kind of firm in your belief system if you are in and if you don't, that's fine. It goes back to kind of that, that super power of being okay with being uncertain, you know, and then and kids sensing that that like if you're in fear about responding to that, then what they're hearing, even if you have a canned response that you don't believe what they're hearing through, that those canned words are like, mommy's scared, death must be bad. It's something I should be scared of. Like, even if it's just a matter of fact. Like, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. And that's modeling for them that like saying I don't know is also okay. Totally. Yeah. I like when we chatted about this before, you were like, what do you think, I don't know, what do you think? What do you think happens? Yeah. Well that's the difference between like what do you think happens? I'm like, I don't know. What do you think? Yeah. Like that sense of, and wonder around it. Yeah. It's it's life's great mystery, you know what I mean? And if it wasn't, it wasn't taught to me that way. that it was something. You don't talk about it. It's scary. I lost a lot of people early on, and it would have really benefited me to have been a little bit more familiar. Yeah. With death. And to be told that, like, it's okay, it does feel scary, I'm sure, but like, it's a part of life. And yeah, if I had had some kind of conceptual framework before I lost my mom when I was a teenager, I would have had such a such a really strong, supportive place to go. that I didn't have. If you have your own belief system, to share that with your child, I think is is it can be one of those superpowers that we talked about for them. And there are also other belief systems that, you know, children are learning like children, or they'll go to church or they'll go to a temple. Do you feel like most kids end up adopting those principles? I think it definitely depends on the, the, the way it's presented. You know, I mean, I would say that part of the reason why I struggled with my faith so long was because of the faith that I was brought up in, which in, in my experience with Catholicism, the the god of my of of that understanding, not my understanding, was punitive and shaming. And, like on the other end of the spectrum of what the God of my understanding is now, and so, like, I think it very much depends on, you know, what, how the message is delivered. Yes, yes, yes. How strict it is, how rigid it is. Yes. You know, and if it's coming from a place of safety and love and or coming from a place of fear and restriction. yeah. Yeah, that makes total sense. you mentioned a little bit about your mom, and I know you've had a lot of people pass in your life. Would you be able to get into that a little bit further? Sure. Yeah. yeah. So I lost my mom when I was 19, and then a year and a half later, I left. I lost my first boyfriend, and, we weren't together at the time, but he was kind of my person, like, especially with dealing with my mom's sickness. And when she passed away, and I would say that, like, it's shaped pretty. Those two profound losses then, like, just shaped my whole life. and then I experienced I kind of have, like, another wave of loss that happened, around my 30s with my, my grandmom, and then my brother's partner that he had been with for almost 17 years. She overdosed and passed away, around that time, too. So it was kind of it was really interesting. Like, to me, it's interesting to me now. It was interesting at the time, but to see that like when that second like what came out of that second wave that wasn't able to come out of that first wave, I didn't have any. We, as I mentioned, like we grew up kind of like we were Sunday, Easter Sunday, Catholics, like, my mom was had a lot of anger towards the church while she was dying. and, yeah, it just I didn't have I had no faith. I was actually the opposite as a scientist, too, as a as someone who was living and breathing in this world, that's what I, that I went on to do, where you weren't supposed to talk about things that you couldn't see, that everything needed to have evidence. You know, we have evidence based practices that I was very, like on the other side of, like, there's nothing like if there is something. Well, that if there is a God, that God's an asshole. Because you took away the two most important people to me within a year. And a half. And so I was angry at myself, but also just not willing to, to see. And then when that second round, that second wave came, that was when I was more open. I had, I was still in my field, but I had learned about acceptance, commitment, therapy and kind of found which is a part of my field, found like a little bit more of a flexibility, which is what we work on, an openness, an understanding of how language works to form these concepts. And then I also had been on my own, like that was around the time of my thyroid issues. I was on my own healing journey with yoga and meditation and mindfulness and, and homeopathy. And so I was kind of living these like two parallel lives are supposed to be at work being like, like, oh, I don't believe in anything that you can't see. And then I was out here like kind of like really. And I've always been like a seeker, you know? I've always been curious. And then when one of my brother's partner died and she was like, pretty much like a sister to me, she had been in my life for a long time. That was just kind of like when that was my, like my spiritual rock bottom, I think. Was that like the way that I've been doing things and being so resistant to to relying on something greater than me is like not working anymore. And then like, all of this just and I think, you know, a big thing about grief is that it requires the courage to touch pain, you know, like to be in a grief process. Like, I think I just was so afraid of what that grief would feel like if I actually let myself come in contact with it. And by that point, I was a little bit more brave, and I was like, okay, like what happens when I start to let myself feel these things that I haven't? And I started a 12 step program and I had some spiritual teachers. And what I got to experience was that, like in that grief, I find the connection and the closeness to those people that I've lost, which without having that for so many years, it was like I didn't have those relationships anymore. And then all of a sudden it was like, I had these relationships back then. I'm like, oh, my mom is in my life every day. Like, I have goosebumps and I know up like she shows up every day for me and my ex-boyfriend. How does she show up? Hello Kitty. Okay. Yes. It's because you remember that from your childhood. Or tell me more. You know, it's like the silliest story. I thought. The blank. It's probably right over there. My my mom bought me a hello Kitty blanket for Christmas. It was one of the last Christmas presents she ever gave me, and I was just like a snotty teen. I didn't like hello Kitty. I don't know why she bought me this blanket. It's red and it's ugly and obnoxious. And I was like. I was like, just such a little bitch, you know? Like. And she'd be saying that right now, like, yeah, you were a little bitch. but I was like, why did you. She's like, you can bring it back to college with you. And I'm like, I'm not going to put this in my dorm. Like, this isn't coming anywhere. And so, like, then she died probably six months after that. That was the last Christmas that she was with us. And then all of a sudden I'm like, hanging on to this blanket, you know, like. And then when I was, like, cracked open and I was like, open to having a relationship with her and to figuring out how she wanted to communicate with me, though, like, all of a sudden, like, hello Kitty was everywhere, like to the to the point where, like on Mother's Day a couple of years ago, we were still in like the and the and end of Covid. And on Mother's Day I'm like, I'm like mom, show me that you're here today. Show me that you're here. And I'm taking my dog to the beach. And I pull up to the Starbucks drive through and like, the barista turns around and she's got a hello Kitty mask on, and I'm like, you've got to be kidding me. well, it's a kitty. It's like it's cardinals is like, signs. She's the number 46. because that was the address of the house that we grew up in. there's like, there's so many things. Music. My mom was like, such a she was such a, like, musical person. I just told this story recently on my Instagram. I'll share because it's so crazy. She loved Huey Lewis. and that was my first concert, which is so funny. She took my brother and I to, see Huey Lewis and the news. I love it, and. I'm not sure if you're familiar with Huey Lewis. Back to the future. Remember that movie? So The Power of Love was the song that he wrote. He he wrote for back for back to the future. And so a couple it was a year ago. And I always find like signs and God in my in little Free Libraries. I'm always like, what do you got for me? There's always like something cool. And I was walking towards the beach and I walked to this free library and I'm like, I feel like there's something in here for me. And I pull out this book and I'm like, this isn't the book for me. It was very like Christian. It was called conversations with God. And it was like, looked like it was just it was like lots of Bible verses. And I've since become way more open to the Bible because there's great stuff in there. It's a great book. Yeah. But I looked at it and I was like, I don't want this book like. And this is into intuition and impulse, right? And I'm like, I don't know why you just made me pick up that book, but whatever. And I put it back. And then I probably walked like I walked a bit away and I could just feel that feeling in my gut that was like, go back and get that book. And I'm like, but I want to get the book. Like, gosh. But I went. Back and I got it, and I was like, fine, I'll get the book. And I put it in my beach bag. And the next day I was on the beach and it was a Sunday. And that's like my like, that's like my day where I like, I especially, you know, try to be close to God and to my angels. And I'm like, I'm going into my beach bag. And that's that was the bag that I had. And I take it and I'm like, oh, this thing. And I take it out. The introduction is called The Power of Love, and in the introduction she actually refers to the lyrics of the Huey Lewis song. Like, I don't like just looking around like, you know, goosebumps and like, you've got to be kidding me. Like, gosh, I love that. So cool. It's so cool. That's a good story. You are always getting signs from her her. And then my, my, my expert passed away like he shows up in Blue jays and root beer and shamrocks and my grandma, she was like, everybody shows up. Angel is my my my sister in love who passed away. She shows up in ladybugs and like, certain songs and, yeah, they're they're just it's so vibrant and so present and, like, the cool thing that happens is that, like, I can be feeling so sad and then, like, one of those signs comes and like it's it's it's such a sense of relief. And, you know, I think this kind of goes back to the kid conversation of the founder of Act, his doctor. His applied behavior analysis is the root. And so it's a behavioral science, but it's basically a, a language way of describing, some of these things that we're trying to like a very clear language around describing, a lot of the things that we've talked about in terms of values and things like that, the science of spirituality is what he calls this paper and talks about, like how every like organization, every culture, every organized religion has a language, right? And like language is all arbitrary, like in this country, like we call these overalls. But on the other side of the pond, they call them dungarees. Like it's just we decide we're going to have this language around this thing. Right? And so he kind of in that paper, which was like a big permission slip for me, he outlines how like, if that language helps you to live a meaningful life, that's aligned with your values, then like it may be arbitrary, but go for it. You know what I mean? Like like if this and I said this to you and I say this to my my clients often when we're talking about spirituality, he's like, if at the end of the day, at the end of my life, I find out that, like, none of that was my mom. It doesn't matter, because it helped me feel connected with her. It helped me be of service to other people. Like all of my values. It helped me to feel love. You know that I know energetically that love still exists because it was created and it's happening in another dimension, so I can always tap into it. But if I'm going to put my scientist back hat back on, it helps me continue to live a like a really meaningful, purpose driven life. Oh, that is so, so, so beautiful, I love that. Okay. Thank you for sharing all of that. Yeah, it's so good. To see my mom's name out loud. Say it. Her name is Patricia. Patricia who? Hi, Patricia. Power of love is here with us today. Glorious thing. It is, it is. You mentioned how when you were a kid, you didn't maybe have the tools when you are faced with this grief. So my dad was just on the podcast, Before that. As I rolled my eyes at him. But he's such a he's a little cutey and he had some he had some really great little nuggets for us. Like our greatest power is our power to choose our thoughts. And I got a text from, my friend in LA the next morning when I posted that on Instagram and he said, I just told my six year old what her greatest power is, and I was just like, oh God, shout out Tyler! I was like, oh my gosh, they love that. So like, because if we can teach our kids how to equip themselves for everything that's going to fly at that, like we can't totally. But if we can set a foundation, what we are doing them such a service. So what are their what else can we can we tell our kids other than, you know, your greatest power, your power to choose your thoughts? Like what else can we tell them? We have the opportunity to, like, orient kids to what's happening in their environment, to learn because they might not see it and contact it if it just happens. Right? Like it's like living a very intentional life, right? To be like, because I do this for myself of like making sure that I'm really attending to my environment. And, so just this little vignette of, like this, this happening in real time for me was I was with my niece and we were at the dog beach, and we got to the dog beach, and it was pretty chilly. And, you know, I like, we don't wear shoes to the beach. Like that's crazy. so she was barefoot and really uncomfortable, and she was like, she was whining, and she was like, I just, I want to go back to the car like, I don't want to be here. And I was like, well, Tinker's already here. And like, we're not going to leave. You're more than welcome to sit back in the car, like, but I promise you that if you if you're brave and you stay, it's going to get a little bit warmer and we're gonna have a lot of fun. But it's your choice. Like, you can go back to the car, like I'll be able to see you. You can sit in the car. And then it was so beautiful because she offered something. She's like, well, can I get my socks? And I was kind of like, well, I don't know if that's going to make you any warmer, but sure. So we went back and got her socks and then and then we walked back to the part of the beach where the dog was playing. And like moments later, she's, you know, it's warm and she's smiling and laughing. And I was like, I'm so proud of you. Like, I know this felt uncomfortable, but like, you chose to, like, do the uncomfortable thing and look how great life is right now. Like the sun is shining. Tinker's so happy. Like I am so happy. The the superpower is to be able to be with discomfort. Right? But then to be able to teach a child and really show them, hey, I know you were uncomfortable. On the other side of this discomfort is joy. You know, on the other side of this, this, this, this, whatever. Like your values are the things that you want to cultivate in your child. You actually are showing them and they're contacting that and they're putting that language together. And I always tell people like suffering in is in itself isn't noble. We don't need to be uncomfortable just to be uncomfortable. But if we are uncomfortable in the service of something, then like that's going to maintain and reinforce that behavior. So like teaching a child that like being uncomfortable and like, you know, I we hear like the, the Glennon Doyle, like, we can do hard things and I'm like that. I think we need something after that because, like, we can do hard things. Sure. But, like, just doing hard things so that we can say we can do hard things. It's like it's kind of missing that other piece. Like, we can do hard things. And when we choose to do the hard things that put us in touch with our values and the things that we care about, it feels so good in those hard things get less hard over time. So that's the superpower of like being able to be with discomfort, but recognizing I'm in this discomfort because there's something that I care about, like right around the bend and I can't taste it yet. But if I just stick with this discomfort, I'm going to be able to get a feel feel for it. That's great, I love that. So I've been asking everyone this on the podcast. So what do you think happens when we die? my conceptual framework. well, I think that all of us doesn't die. I think our body ceases to work and exist. and the fact that we are, there's energy like, that's the thing that continues on. And my belief is that that energy gets folded into a vast, like, infinite space of a high, high frequency, that when we have this body, we can't even experience that frequency because the body, the ego, keeps us from experiencing that level of like light and love and infinite bliss. So when we're free of the body is like Ram Dass will sometimes talk about it. We actually are back with with all of it, you know? No, no separation. Like just back into like pure, like love, like a pure love consciousness. I love that so much. That's what I believe. I love that, I love that. Have you seen the Ram Dass documentary on Netflix? so what about, like, the one about him? His dying post? Yeah. Post his accident. Yes. Yes. Or I guess it was a stroke. Was it a stroke? The stroke? Stroke? he's just incredible. really? It's just like I am loving awareness. Sometimes I do that when I'm in a meditation. He says that often. And if you look up, look up Ram Dass on Spotify, there's a whole song that's I am loving awareness and it's like his, his t his spiritual teachings about it. but he says he talks a lot about getting out of our thinking mind and but to get out of our thinking mind or how he does it. Oh. You ballooned yourself. Oh my gosh, is that what happens? Wait, that's so crazy. Oh my gosh. if you are watching on YouTube, you saw balloons Aspire behind me. But that's so wild. Is that right? That was wrong. That's wrong. That that's right. That's the saying like, yeah, I just I, I think that's a it's it's helpful. I think sometimes people find it hard to meditate and I find it hard to quiet their mind. And so a way that he quiets his mind is he says over and over to himself, I am loving awareness. I am loving awareness. It's over and over and woof. I mean, take that, take that and put it into your heart space. Like, what does that mean to you? I am loving awareness. Oh, I love it so good. He's worked to get free of all the stuff that isn't love. You know, his his teacher, his guru said, you know, there's two things around us. Just love each other and tell the truth. I love it. That's so beautiful. well Kate, where can we find you. on Instagram. My name, Kate Masood at Cadence Beauty. I have a website at my name Kate Moss. city.com. yeah. That's where you can find me. So good to be with the Syracuse family. Oh my gosh, I know. Shout out Lindsay. Yeah shout out lens and the rest of the. Girls I love it. Casa Kappa Gamma one of the coolest things about this podcast. Like ever, people from all walks of my life has like come in to not only, you know, talk about the five D which is so fun, but then also to connect me with such cool people and so good. It's so good. So far, so grateful. Thank you. Thank you so much for this. This is so fun. Thank you for listening to the Woo report for way more woo woo. Please follow and subscribe to the Report podcast on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, iHeart or wherever you love to listen. Never miss an episode of The Wu Report by joining the community at the Wu Report podcast.com. Thank you for liking, sharing, reading, and loving on this little slice of magic. I am so, so grateful you are here by.